Fools In The Law 2013

I write a biweekly newspaper column in New Hampshire’s Derry News. Once a year I abandon efforts to answer reader questions or to review major legal cases. Every April Fools Day, I review truly foolish occurrences in the law I’ve been saving up since the last April 1.

Here is one of my columns, whose subjects reached new lows:

Salem, NH. Witnesses call police reporting a woman who appears intoxicated trying to drive out of a gym parking lot with kids in the vehicle. Police arrive. A scene ensues. One of the allegedly intoxicated motor vehicle operator’s children in the back seat holds out an open bottle of wine, explaining to police: “I think this is why mommy is so sleepy”.

New Orleans, LA. A police prosecutor chats with police officers in court. Suddenly a marijuana cigarette allegedly falls out of his pocket, dropping to the floor. Witnesses describe a comical picture of the scene, saying two police officers glance down at the “joint” on the ground, then at each other, then make possibly the easiest arrest in the history of police work. Topping it off, the prosecutor’s wife is running for New Orleans City Council, and is “forced to apologize for him.”

Miami, FL. An 18-year-old woman faces a bail hearing on drug charges. She can walk out on $5,000 bond. Unable to maintain composure, she laughs and tells the judge “adios”. The judge reconsiders, jacking bail up to $10,000. Whilst most individuals will struggle to find this amount of money, getting in touch with an online bail bonds service will be the best option for anybody looking to post bail. To most people, this will be seen as a decent amount, but the teen was not happy, flipping the judge her center finger, blurting an expletive, bringing yet another review, and 30 days behind bars. People think I make this stuff up. So, for a primer on ‘How Not To Behave In Court”, Google: “Fla woman jailed after flipping off judge during court hearing.”

Bismark, ND. North Dakota authorities suspend a lawyer from practicing law for charging a client for six hours of time to prepare his legal bill. Charging the client to prepare the bill raises enough eyebrows. But, an additional hour is billed for the lawyer’s time looking for the file.

Slidell, LA. Sheriff’s Department time is at a premium. A 33-year-old man walks into the sheriff’s department headquarters requesting information on a file. While he waits, security cameras capture the man pocketing three ball point pens in the reception area. He is arrested and charged with theft. (Tip: try the bank.)

Boston, MA. This is personal experience: I walk into one of the buildings in Boston’s financial district with a client. We’re directed to the “security” desk. The man in front of us, dressed in a business suit, is delayed. His name is ‘not on the list’. No one answers the phone in his destination office. After prolonged delay, a call finally comes down. He is released. I step up. I am ‘not on the list’. Correspondence confirming the time, date and place of our mediation fails as a pass. The stern young man on the desk looks behind me, asks “are you with someone?” My client, an attractive woman in her 20’s with blonde hair steps forward, smiles and identifies herself as my client. Without a blink of the eye we are waived on to the elevator with no further inquiry.

The years are short. But even the vast internet barely contains the annual parade of foolishness.

This blog is based upon a column initially published in the Derry News, ‘About the Law’ © 2013 Eagle Tribune Corporation.

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